Before Chemo #5
I hope this finds each and everyone of you back comfortably in your own realities after the holidays. As I prepare for Chemo#5 tomorrow, consume all of my meds (steroids, zantac, and cinnamin chai tea, thanks to Heather Foley), get as many chores and tasks done before I’m knocked on my ass yet again – there were others that lived horrible realities through the holidays that I’d like to take a moment to pay their respects. The holidays are the worst time for tragedies to happen. Maybe because it’s supposed to be such a happy time, one of joy, and giving. We all heard of the house fire in CT or the family shooting in TX. There were people who passed away over the holidays. I lost a woman I called a dear friend, to cancer. She fought it for many years, lived with it, saw it come and go. But you would have never known it by looking at her, however I’m sure the ones closest to her experienced every minute of it. And that’s not an easy battle to fight either. Another friend by association, found out she’s terminal. And I have a work associate terminal with another. I say these things not to make you feel guilty for having a good time through the holidays. Hell, I did. We all deserve it. I say it mostly because it’s things like this – tragedy, death, cancer – that make as look at our own lives, remind ourselves what’s most important to us.
I couldn’t go through any of this without all of the love and support. I don’t say this to expect more (although I’m not one to deny anyone giving me a lil’ love=). Cancer comes in all forms, and it effects people in a number of different ways. Besides me, I’m sure you know a number of people that have fought it, are fighting, survived, died, or has had to care for a loved one going through it. So when I hear folks say that I look great (which thanks by the way) or amazed that I ride my bike (which I’ve only done twice throughout all of this), what you’re not seeing are the days when I’m laid up in bed, having chestpains, moving so slow I feel what it’ll be like to be elderly, so tired that I can’t even lift my head, and feeling aches throughout my whole body I’ve never felt my entire life.
With that, I hope to truly document, with words and photos, what it’s like, for me that is. I’ll go out an about each day. I have to. Physically because my body needs the fresh air and the movement. Mentally because my brain needs something more than TV and electronics. So I’ll do it early in the day while I have the energy. I’ll try to nap, but it just doesn’t work and somehow I feel worse afterwards. I’ll go to sleep around 9pm, wake up around 6am. Will either read or check emails or play games, waiting for my eyelids to get heavy once again. And then sleep until about 8 or 9am. So it’ll be the time at home that I’ll focus on.
I have appointments early on Thursday and Friday. On Thursday, I have my first pelvic exam with my GYN since all of this began. It’s something I’ll talk about once I actually what know is going on with my reproductive organs. One, I need to deal with the outcome first. Two, I thought it best to have has few emails as I can openly mention menstrual cycles, periods, discharge – oops, guess this one is one of the few. Then I’ll go to work for a bit before I return to the hospital to receive my Neulasta Immunity Booster shot, which ironically may be the cause of the extreme soreness in my neck and shoulders for the several days afterwards. I’ve found it odd the last two times that the nurse was surprised when I said that I’ll take it in my arm. Does one have something to do with the other? What if I take it in my ass? Will my hips, thighs and ass hurt? Which one will be better? May ask you heads or tails the day of, so stay tuned.
On Friday, I have a site visit to review the location for Japan Day @ Central Park (yes, it’s here already, and will actually be on Mother’s Day – stay tuned)! So after we’re done, I may just spend the rest of the morning while I have the energy roaming through the Park. Again, great to live in New York.
Off to take my steriod pills, zantac, and colace. Then get some shut eye before I prepare to conquer the Red Devil.
Love you all.