It’s been one year today. Exactly one year since I’ve been told, ‘You have cancer.’ There are times when it seems like just yesterday, times when it seems like ages ago and times when it seems like it’s all been one long dream. I do remember the feelings of ‘how will I ever get through this.’ I especially remember the feeling of how will I tell my parents, as if I had done something wrong. I didn’t hesitate telling Graham, I can tell him anything, and I had to. He’s been my sounding board through all of this, my rock, never wavering. But it has been one year, and I can honestly say that I have no regrets.
I started this all, the writing and blogging that is, because I didn’t want there to be any worry of what was happening to me. I wanted my family, mostly living far from me, to be able to go through their daily lives without having others question my diagnosis or treatment. I wanted my story to be told my way, with my words, and not anyone else’s. Little did I know what it would turn into. The writing has helped me more than words can say, literally. And I’m glad it’s been able to help others, to either cope or understand or even to put perspective on one’s own life. I do however feel there are precursors that should have been stated at the beginning of this, but I would never have realized had it not been for having cancer. Over the next weeks I’ll be posting them as I continue this next part of my life.
Funny thing though ….., this morning I put on a dress which I haven’t worn since my exchange surgery, and though it beautifully fits or so I thought, there is something a bit, well, off. As I leave my building and start the three block walk to the subway, I feel it, a breeze I never felt before. I look down and realize I am on the verge of pulling a Tara Reid. SERIOUSLY! I start brainstorming, do I have time to go back inside, can I hold it together until I get to Duane Reade? (cue lightbulb) My dry cleaner! On the way to the subway, my Korean friend waves her daily good morning smile, and quickly detects the worried look on my face as I dart inside. ‘Can I have a safety pin?’ I hastily ask. Before I can finish the request, she holds one out over the counter, and laughs. ‘They nice, but you don’t need brag about them!’ Ah, the things I can look forward to. However, I’m a bit relieved….I felt something, which means the nerve endings are trying to reattach. Things are indeed looking up, or at least my new breasts are!